Craft Positive Affirmations to Relax Your Brain

4/9/2020

by Brenna Liebold

How to Create Positive Affirmations that Relieve Stress

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Do you build yourself up with your thoughts, or tear yourself down? Positive internal dialogue elevates your mood, relationships, success in new endeavors, resilience to stress, and more. On the other hand, destructive self-talk wields the power to create and perpetuate stress by re-living negative past events, perceiving events as more stressful than necessary, and downplaying your ability to work through challenging situations.

The Birth of Your Thoughts and Beliefs

Indirectly, your thoughts shape your reality over time. First, thoughts evolve into beliefs when you experience a strong emotion or particularly impactful memory connected to that thought. Strong emotional reactions enhance memory storage and recall. Because of the emotional glue holding it in place, beliefs also require strong emotions to un-create them.

When you tell yourself, It doesn't matter that I got another speeding ticket, do you feel better? Of course not, because the experience of getting pulled over produced nervousness or anger, the thought of telling your spouse you got another ticket makes you feel ashamed and anxious, and the fear of your car insurance rates going up combine to form the belief that getting a speeding ticket is a bad thing. Thinking, It doesn't matter, doesn't produce the emotion needed to override the original belief.

Many beliefs get handed down to us by the people around us very early in our lives. How often do you catch yourself reciting, without hesitation, something that your parents told you as a child? Money often comes up as a topic of transferred thoughts or beliefs. Imagine a young child watching his parents struggle to pay bills, perhaps even getting angry at one another over spending priorities, and repeatedly being told, "That's too expensive. We don't have that kind of money!" when he asks for new toys. The child feels guilty about asking for the toys and jealous of or angry at others who can afford everything he wants.

As a result, feelings of shame, jealousy, and anger stemming from childhood experiences with money persist into adulthood. These strong feelings reaffirm beliefs that you shouldn't spend money unnecessarily. They also perpetuate taboos about talking about money or possessing a lot of it.

So many beliefs! So what? Whether you believe that the glass is half empty or half full…it is, leading to the next step in the thoughts-to-reality process.

Whether you believe that the glass is half empty or half full…it is

Your beliefs dictate how you respond to situations in the future. Your brain hates to waste energy, so it automates behaviors or actions when presented with a situation that relates to your belief system. I'll use the money beliefs previously mentioned in another example. When looking at a brand name item and the generic version at the grocery store, the belief that you shouldn't spend money unnecessarily will cause you to grab the generic food item without any active decision-making. A belief that consistently directs your actions without conscious thought, like in the example, creates a habit.

Did you know that we navigate 40-95% of any given day from our habits? Our lives depend on them. Decisions require huge amounts of time and energy, that would leave us on-the-floor worn out by breakfast if forced to mentally attend to each and every one of them. Take that as proof that habits often work in our favor. I'll give you still more proof. Let's say that you think of yourself as a healthy person. If previous experiences (i.e. eating tasty food that's good for you) support that thought and make you feel confident and contented, then you will engage in healthy activities like eating nutritious food and exercising your body more frequently.

I could go on and on about the effects of your thoughts, but I'll go back to the initial question I asked instead: do you build yourself up with your thoughts, or tear yourself down? I hope you see the importance of the question now that you know how the quality of your thoughts ultimately leads to a quality of life that matches.

Do you build yourself up with your thoughts, or tear yourself down?

Taking Inventory of Your Thoughts

You think literally thousands of thoughts each day, and most of those repeat over and over again from one day to the next. When you sift through your thoughts and pick specific ones to consciously focus your attention on, you validate them and increase the likelihood that they recur, whether positive or negative. In other words, you affirm them, hence the use of the word affirmation to denote the process of confirming your self-talk.

While it may seems counterintuitive at first, practicing positive affirmations starts with identifying the destructive thoughts you keep set on autopilot. Over the course of one to two days, write a list of negative thoughts that cross your mind. You might already know a few that will make that list. Refrain from labeling any thoughts as "right" or "wrong."

Positive Affirmations for Beginners

Use music if you are new to using affirmations to shift your attitude. First of all, listening to music stimulates dopamine production, the chemical in the brain that makes an activity feel rewarding and fun. Secondly, song lyrics themselves function as amazing sources of positive affirmations. After all, songwriters generally write about what they know, so lyrics encompass the broad spectrum of life's experiences. In addition, the emotion that flows through music lends itself well to affirmations. Researchers discovered that listening to music creates an emotional experience that matches the lyrical message presented in a song. Since songs, like affirmations, just as easily focus your attention on negative thoughts as positive ones, I recommend picking an affirmation song that meets all of the following criteria:

It makes you feel confident.
It should either cause you to stand up straighter and raise your chin higher, strike a pose, or picture yourself with a hero cape blowing in the wind.
It makes you smile.
It contains positive lyrics.
Any mention of negative life experiences should reference triumphing over them. No woe-is-me moments.
The lyrics promote independence and self-reliance.
Positive affirmations should empower your thoughts and feelings, owing success and strength to no one but yourself, with the exception of drawing on a higher power.

I created a whole playlist on YouTube around these four guidelines, called "Daily Lyrical Affirmations." Explore the playlist below to get inspiration for your own musical, positive affirmations.

How to Create Personalized Affirmations

For a more personalized positive affirmation, consider writing your own. Plan your thought transformation from your current position all the way to your intended destination. Use descriptive verbs or personality traits that paint a vivid picture of the new you and convey strong emotion whenever possible. These guidelines should generate some constructive thinking:

Work from the inside out.
All too often, we react to stress by trying to control external circumstances, or force things to go back to "normal." When that depletes energy levels and starts to strain interactions with others, thoughts drift in the direction of, I have the worst luck. I just can't seem to get a break. My life is out of control. Nothing I do makes any difference. At this point, shifting your attention inward opens up more choices with regard to your personal actions and reactions to those external circumstances. You might not change the world to make your life easier. However, if you adapt the way you think, you also adapt your interpretation of unexpected happenings outside of yourself. Allow your thoughts to help create this change in perspective with, I am in charge of my own happiness. I got this. I am enough.
Stay true to your core values.
Don't expect yourself to commit to a statement you don't care about.
Mutate negative thoughts.
Rewrite a negative thought as the opposite, positive thought or a personality trait that would overcome it. I don't have time for this; I'm already overwhelmed, and there's too much to do, becomes, I am focused on what's most important, and I give myself permission to let go of the rest.
Take advantage of how your brain processes thoughts.
When a thought starts with, I will not, I am not, I am un____, etc. your brain must focus on the meaty part of the thought to decipher its meaning, or what comes after the negation. If you think, I will not judge others, your brain zeroes in on the part about judging others. Try this affirmation instead: I accept others. The inner statement, I am not afraid to speak in front of others, only serves to focus your attention on feeling afraid. Say to yourself, I am confident and excited to speak in front of others, and notice how different that feels.

Crafting an affirmation that flows nicely when spoken either out loud or to yourself invokes creativity. Think of it as a one-line poem. Feel free to create your own melody, too, if you feel inspired. Add that layer, and you just wrote a song! Short songs still count. Including that emotional dimension intensifies the effects of the affirmation, remember? Below, I share my personal, daily positive affirmation song.

Practice Makes Perfect

Yes, you need to practice saying nice things to yourself. Flooding your mind with positive thoughts takes some getting used to, because your brain instinctively prioritizes negative thoughts over positive ones. The way your brain sees it, awareness of potential negative circumstances maintains preparedness to avoid them and keeps you safe. In fact, research suggests that to you need to respond to a negative thought with three to five positive ones to counterbalance the effect of that one negative thought.

Repeating your affirmations out loud several times, or for several minutes if you can, creates a speech-to-rhythm illusion. This phenomenon affects how you perceive spoken words and makes them sound more rhythmic or song-like and pleasant. Even if you don't say your affirmations aloud, the repetition contributes to a generalized reduction in activity throughout the brain, equating to feelings of relaxation and fewer competing thoughts. Your brain ramps up serotonin production and stimulates its reward centers, giving you an all-natural high that lasts long after you stop reciting the positive affirmations.

As mentioned previously, practicing positive affirmations throughout the day negates destructive thoughts. Dedicating a specific time of day to create a ritual around reciting your affirmations strengthens the habit. Over time, the repetition provides a sense of familiarity and comfort that enhances the relaxation effect. Your brain needs about 20 minutes to fully wake up after sleep. During this time, it lowers its defenses against suggestibility, presenting the perfect opportunity to re-program it with positive affirmations.

Using another activity you already engage in frequently as a trigger to remind yourself to recite your affirmations will also create consistency. Americans, for example, spend more time on digital devices and computers than any other daily activity, on average more than 10 hours a day. To use this habit to your advantage, display your positive affirmations on your wallpaper, or background, on your computer, tablet, or smartphone screen.

What to Do if Your Affirmations Feel Awkward

With any new activity, the excitement of it keeps motivation high through the first bumps in the process. However, when attempting to change something as ingrained and long-standing as your pattern of thoughts, a sense of resistance or tension may surface on occasion. In that case, try the following before dismissing affirmations as fruitless:

Break it down, and be kind.
You won't go from thinking, I can't do anything right, straight to, I succeed at everything I do, in a day or even a week. You'll have more success starting with an affirmation like, I am a great mom, or, I am proud that I did (fill in the blank) today. Slowly work your way up thought mountain. Then, anything goes; feel free to entertain your wildest ambitions about re-inventing the way you think about yourself!
Recruit a cheerleader.
As I alluded to previously, some of your self-defeating thoughts probably came from hearing someone else say them. Make the underlying psychology from that scenario work in your favor by asking a friend or loved one to set, or introduce, a new affirmation. Let someone you trust and respect repeatedly tell you the affirmation that feels awkward on a few separate occasions.
Double-check your values.
Let's say you start with a negative thought such as, Why does everyone have it out for me? You try the positive affirmation, Everyone loves me, but it makes you cringe. First, ask yourself if you even care about what people think of you. If you do, go back to the tip about working from the inside out. If not, perhaps the affirmation, I accept others' actions, values, and uniqueness, better fits your values of self-expression and feeling heard.

Go for It, and Make Today a Great Day!

Practicing positive affirmations increases your awareness of the thoughts that influence your beliefs and habits. It also starts with small changes that produce big shifts in how you perceive life events and cope with stress.

Did you craft a lovely, positive affirmation that you'd like to share with fellow creative relaxation readers? Post it in the comments below. I'd love to hear what you think after reading this article!

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